Luke

Tonight as I lay my fingers on the keypad, memories flood my mind and emotions run through my heart. See, today my nephew Luke would have been 23. Two years ago today we surrounded him with singing, cheering, laughing, and watched him blow out birthday candles for his 21st. At that moment the thought never crossed my mind that it could be the last birthday we would celebrate WITH him. Long story short, Luke had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, its a disease that attacks the muscles (takes away your ability to walk, feed yourself, and eventually can take your ability to breath on your own, or take your heart beat). Did having this disease make life a little harder on Luke? Yes. Did it make him getting a simple cold a little more threatening? Yes. But to be honest, Luke was doing better then he had ever been, and he was living on his own with help from caregivers. He was living life better then anyone I have heard of that had the same disease. Its like he had starred the disease in the face and said "I dare you"! He was and is still one of the most courageous people I have ever known. He faced death in the face and told it to jump off a cliff! He knew that it was only up to God when it was his time to go. Luke and I shared a special relationship as I was his aunt, but really we grew up together. My sister Misty is 19 years older then me and had Luke when I was only 3 years old, so Luke and I grew up more like brother and sister. I can still remember like it was yesterday playing with him, getting into trouble, and walking around the homestead with him (before the wheelchair). We laughed, played house, ate to much candy...you know, all the normal little kid stuff! As Luke got older the doctors continued to tell us his life would only get harder/could end. They said he probably wouldn't graduate high school (puberty tends to send the disease in over drive) and Luke took all that news with grace and pushed forward. He graduated high school ( a memory I will never forget as he had my throw his cap up in the air when the rest of his class did)and continued to push forward with life. As he grew up into the amazing young man he was our relationship only got richer. We started talking about real life stuff and journeying life together as adults. Him and I would often get lost in conversations about God, our crazy family, and really anything else that would come up. I could sit on his couch and just listen to his dreams for his life for hours. He knew what he wanted and he wasn't afraid to fight for it (something he was use to do doing with his life-fighting for it). Anytime Luke ended up in the hospital I would make the drive, no matter how many days he was there. I would always greet him with a kiss on the forehead (he would act like he hated it, but really he loved it) and we would talk like he wasn't laying in a hospital bed. I will never forget the sweet times of prayer we shared as he always asked me to pray over him before I left the hospital. Luke loved God and that was just another special thing we shared! Luke could make me laugh till my sides hurt and yet could make me cry with his deep sensitivity towards life and love. His love for life was contagious, his smile would light up a room, and his sense of humor could make anyone laugh. I miss him so much it hurts...I wish he were here, only a text or phone call away. There have been so many things that have happened since his passing that I've wanted to share with him...joys and sorrows. I go from missing him so much it hurts and all I can do is cry, to overflowing with joy as I know he is with God (no better place to be right). Since today was his birthday I celebrated by eating a cheeseburger and fries (a tradition of the families) and thanking God for the gift of Luke. I found myself thanking God for all the memories, laughs, and tears Luke and I shared. I cried out to God as my heart hurts..but really its a good sign! I thanked God for the love Luke and I shared for one another...for it to hurt means it meant something, it was important. I will never stop thanking God for Luke, having him in my life, the memories I have, and the pain that is left now that he is gone. *Father God, you are soo good, even in the midst of sorrow. Thank you for life, for Luke, for the amazing man you created him to be. Thank you for placing him in my life and blessing us with the awesome relationship we had. I feel your strong and loving arms surrounding me as I grieve, thank you. Thanks for listening to me as I cry out to you, for capturing each tear that falls of my face, and for holding me in times I can not stand on my own. You, Abba Father, are AMAZING! I am in awe! You want to share in our joys and in our sadness and for that I am great full. You love for us is beyond comprehension. I love you Daddy!

Baby Jesus!

My morning started off right with a coffee date with Jesus, I just love the time I get to spend with my Daddy-SOOO special! This morning I took my time getting ready and just really enjoyed the morning and all that it held-a promise of a new day with our Savior!Church was fantastic as we sang songs to our Lord and King and offered praises to Him for coming to this earth as a baby-a baby who would bring salvation to the lost (exciting right!). After church I went on a little drive through one of my fav little neighborhoods...Alaska! I just love going through all the streets as they are all named after familiar places to me. Today, as I reflected on the message from Pastor Manion I couldn't help but be thankful...thankful for the big and little things...Coffee to drink, a car to drive, money in the bank, this place (Michigan) that God has brought me to, and the people He has hand placed in my life-both here and back in Alaska. It brings me to tears to think of what God has saved me from and brought me through (my past is dark...broken..sad..and anything but pleasant). The same baby Jesus we celebrate in this season is the one who willingly came down to earth to save me (us). He came down as a small infant, knowing that one day He would hang from a cross..because of our sins...because He LOVES us! I am sooo thankful for baby Jesus!!! I hope this Christmas brings you to your knees as you think of the one who came down to become one of us, yet a king to all nations...to live, teach, love, and then die...for YOU! You are loved more then life itself!

Home = Jesus!

5 days before Christmas and the frost has kissed everything outside but still we have no snow..! This Alaskan girl is missing her white stuff! See, this time last year I was back in Alaska for Christmas vacation, where the snow is everywhere..along with the below zero temperatures! Not gunna lie, its strange to think its been a whole year since I have been back Alaska but to be honest, I fee like God is doing something big in my heart through NOT being there! ~*~There's something about the first Christmas away from "home"...its bitter sweet. You miss all the things you would be doing if you were there. The family dinners, the traditions you would partake in, and the feeling of being "home" for the holidays. Am I missing all that? YES!! But, if I were being completely honest here, there's a part of me that is okay with it all. I'm okay with not having to deal with the craziness of traveling over the holidays. I'm okay with not taking time off work and worrying about paying my bills. I'm okay with not having enough of me to go around as everyone and their mother wants to see me and having places to be and only being one person! What my heart is having a hard time with is not being around some of the people I love the most and have journeyed life with for the past umpteen years. I miss my family and my friends who are like family more then I can explain. I would give anything to hug them, see their sweet faces, and to just be able to sit down and chat with them and yet, that wont be happening this year. As I have been thinking about not being back in Alaska and praying about it all I can hear God's sweet whisper in my ear...I am your home! See, I have been getting caught up on the mere fact of not being "home" for Christmas when really, no matter if I were in Alaska, or I'm here in Michigan it doesn't matter-Its not about the location of which I'm in, its about me residing in Christ! I can feel our sweet God drawing me into a deeper reliance on Him and even though its hard, its beautiful! I feel like He is taking all that I have ever known to be familiar away and making something even sweeter out it. I said this in my last post and I'm gunna say it again...! When you take away the perfect tree, the presents, the family dinners, and all that is familiar-all you have is you and Jesus, and that my friends is the BEST THING EVER!~*~I feel like God is making Michigan home for me in a whole new way. Don't get me wrong, I was born and raised in Alaska and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I'm just feeling like right now, in this season of life, Michigan is it! I have felt like this place was home ever since my first visit here, but this is different and I don't know if I can explain it! God is building a new circle of friends (family), He's creating memories I will never forget, He has healed me in ways I know would not have happened if I were back in Alaska, and He's slowly taking the desire of Alaska out of my heart (not easy to say). I will always miss and love my family and friends and look forward to the visits back and I will always miss the majestic mountains, but honestly-that's about it. We have a saying back in Alaska about people who leave..."They'll be back!" I'm not saying that God couldn't call me back to Alaska and that I wouldn't follow if that's where He was leading me. I'm just saying, as of right now, I don't see that happening. My home is in Jesus and where He has me, and right now its Michigan! ~*~I am in a time where my heart is aching to be with those who I love dearly back in Alaska...I think they call it "homesickness"-It comes and goes with the holiday's, birthday's, graduations, weddings, and events that pass. People have told me I love hard and that is a beautiful thing, but that whole "loving hard" is what makes it difficult being thousands of miles away from those I love and miss. Yes, God has made Michigan home but I will always miss those people God hand placed in my life back in Alaska. I'm thanking God for those people and this aching feeling of missing them, as its a sign of loving and being loved.

Midnight Post!

I totally forgot to push post last night as I walked away from the computer!! Its almost midnight and that feeling of exhaustion has left...what to do??? BLOG (until my eyes get tired again)! I finally feel the doom and gloom of the holiday season lifting from me and it feels oh so good! See, this year marks the first year in the 26 years I have been alive that I wont be back in Alaska. That being said, I have no idea what this holiday season holds...where I will be...who I will be with...and those where the thoughts that were consuming me. I was letting the thought of being physically alone take over and was so NOT looking forward to the holidays. Is it still hard to think about? YES! Am I missing home? YES! Will I survive the holidays? With Jesus, YES!! My main prayer this past week has been for peace and joy in this season. I've been asking God to help me change my attitude, and you know what, He has done just that! I think I can say now that I have jumped on board with the rest of the happy holiday people! See, I think God has something special planned this year and even though I have no idea what it is, I'm excited! I think we all get wrapped up in the "worldly" view of Christmas. The perfect tree, the presents, the family dinners, time off work, santa, and anything else we can think of to make our holidays brighter. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying any of that is bad, I'm just saying its not what CHRISTmas is about. I have always known the true meaning of Christmas, but this year I feel like its becoming even more real to me in a whole new way. When you take away the tree, the stockings, the family dinners, and the feeling of being home for the holidays and all you have is you and God...it changes your prospective. This may be one of the hardest holiday seasons for me , but you know what, I'm gunna choose to already start thanking God for it! So, when I said I had jumped on board with the happy holiday people I wasn't lying....its just not the typical "worldly" holiday bus I'm on! Friends, my hope and prayer for you is that you find the true meaning (if you haven't already) of Christmas. I pray you celebrate...Celebrate Jesus and His birth!!

Take 3!!

Lets try this again!! LOL This is the 3rd blog I have tried, but this one is different...I don't know if its the name of it or the season of life I am in now, but I am excited about getting back on the blogging wagon! This past summer was beyond amazing on a spiritual level and I can't wait to get into all that on here. This new blog is a place where I will type out my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and random-ness!! I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be...I mess up, I get mad, I cry, I laugh, I enjoy life, and I go through ups and downs-This blog is where I will write it all out, imperfections and all! I'm just a curly redhead who LOVES Jesus with all her heart and am sooo NOT perfect, and I'm excited to put my fingers to the key board and share this life God has given me to those who will read it.