Another layer...GONE!

Hey there sweet friends! As I sit here with coffee in hand and an open conversation with our Sweet Abba, I'm trying to muster up the words to describe the missions trip I was just on. I'm trying to figure out how to help you see what God is up to in Mazatlan Mexico, and to help you see what He did in me. I'm gunna be honest here, I don't think there are enough or even the right words to even begin to describe how I saw and experienced God at work. I'll try my best, but somehow I just know it won't do it justice. While in Mazatlan we had the opportunity to visit and serve at three different children homes and two different villages that are very much poverty stricken. We did everything between knocking a cement wall down, yard work, painting buildings, to building a home and playing with children from each location. I will tell you I have never worked so hard or sweated so much in my life! Each place we visited was unique in its purpose and needs and each so full of hope. Hearing the stories of how some of those children came to be in the homes was heart wrenching, but to hear and see the unique heart beat of each location was beautiful and such a blessing. The homes we visited consisted of a special needs, an all girls who have been rescued from horrible abuse, and a girls home who are trying to further their education in a family atmosphere. While visiting each location we had the blessing of being able to get a tour and at the same time pray over each room. I would say this was one of my favorite things to do as I love to pray, but also because it helped us understand the vision for each home. The people of Back2Back have such a heart for the community of Mazatlan and are doing all they can to help break the cycle that leads to broken families and children having to live in these homes. As I mentioned before I had never worked so hard in my life until this trip (my muscles still hurt) but more importantly, I don't think I have ever seen or experienced God at work so much in such a short amount of time. We had the opportunity to see the hope, love, and safety these homes provide for the children, and we were able to see God's handiwork woven all throughout it. Not only did we get the blessing of seeing how God is shinning His bright light in such a dark area, but we were able to be apart of it. We literally were able to be His hands and feet to the children and for those who serve the children on a daily bases. We were able to start and finish some work projects and love on the kids all at the same time. BUT, as much as I thought God was sending us to be the blessing He was actually sending us to be blessed. I had a lot of amazing God moments, but I think I will stick to sharing only two (you can ask me for more if you would like)! God moment #1 begins with a person. See, I was put into the smallest of our three groups and put with leaders I didn't know, and I was a little nervous about that. As I look back on the trip I couldn't be more thankful for the group I was apart of and for the leaders God chose for me. The wife of the amazing leader duo quickly became a dear friend and someone God used in mighty ways to speak truth and love into me during some of the hardest times of the trip. God used her to open my eyes to some of what He was teaching me while there. He used her to teach me that its okay to cry, to show and go through emotion and to not be ashamed of that. He used her words to speak tenderly to my heart as He asked me to trust Him with the deepest emotional parts of my heart. He took two people who hardly knew each other and put them together for a greater purpose, for healing. He created a sweet friendship that I will forever be grateful for. God moment #2 would have to be how God used our trip to the Floreser home(the all girls home). This was the home I was most wanting to visit, but was not expecting God to use it in the ways He did. With each room we visited, story heard, and girl I came in contact with I felt God breaking me in ways I had never been broken before. I felt like He was giving me a little glimpse of the pain and tears He went through for each girl and in reality for me. I felt like for a short while He let me see these girls and myself through His eyes. I saw brokenness, abuse un-imaginable, fake smiles, layers of hurt, and yet at the same time I saw hope, grace, forgiveness, love, redemption, beauty, and Him holding it all in the palm of His hands. I saw what He was doing for each girl, and I saw what He has and is doing for me. There for a short bit I felt like I had the weight of their wolds on my shoulders and yet, by the end of the night (and a long conversation with that new friend I was telling you about) I felt a hundred pounds lighter. God peeled yet another layer off this daughter of His and it feels so refreshing! As Joyce Meyer would say"I'm may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" I am beyond thankful for where God has taken me from and where He is leading me to, all I can do is enjoy the journey and be used as much as possible along the way. So there ya have it, or at least some of it! I hope this gave you a little glimpse into what God is doing in Mazatlan and in my heart. Thank you all so much for the prayers while we were gone, pretty sure they were answered!

Forgiveness

Hey there friends! I'm so sorry its been awhile since my last post. Not gunna lie, I had few rough weeks in there. The last time I posted we were talking about freedom and what that looks like. I had mentioned two major things that I feel need to happen in order to experience true freedom. One being thankful for your past, no matter the pain and hurt and the second being forgiveness. Lets dig into the later of the two, forgiveness...! What does it mean and what does it look like? For me:it means not holding onto the wrong that was done to you by someone and not letting it define you, the other person, or the relationship. Its not saying that what was done is okay and that they are right. Its simply saying that you are not going to hang on to it anymore. Forgiveness is giving the hurt and the person who hurt you over to God. Its letting go and letting God. Sometimes its not someone else we need to forgive so much as we need to forgive ourselves. Same thing applies though, letting go, not letting it define you and your future, and letting God take it from you is a must. Last summer was a huge season of healing for me and most of that came from choosing to forgive. See, when we don't forgive (ourselves or others) its as if we are dragging that hurt and offender around with us...like its chained to us..dragging us down...rotting us from the inside out. Choosing to NOT forgive hurts US way more then it hurts the other person (and sometimes it doesn't even hurt them at all). So really, by choosing to not forgive is shooting yourself in the heart and waiting to slowly bleed out. I'll be honest here, its not easy. It unusually involves a LOT of prayer, mixed emotions as you work through the hurt and letting it go, and sometimes a daily choice to forgive for a while (depending on how deep the hurt runs). For me it involved a lot of prayer, tears, letting go of all I knew (the hurt, the habits I had because of it, and even letting go of some of the people that had hurt me), and humbling myself enough to admit I couldn't hang on to it anymore. I had to make a choice. A choice to either hang on to the hurt and let it destroy me or let it go and walk free from the bondage it had on me. Friends, choosing to forgive as hard as it was, was the best choice I ever made. I can say that because of that choice I am not the same person I was and that God has more room to continue to mold me into the woman He wants me to be. So who do you need to fogive? Is it yourself? A family memeber or a friend? What hurt(s) are you hanging onto? What are you letting drag you down? I urge you to take some time and talk with God, ask Him to reveal to you what your not letting go of. Trust me, its a prayer He wants to answer! After you figure it out, please take time to forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive the offender. Whoever it is for whatever they did, I pray you CHOOSE to forgive and start your journey to complete healing and freedom. I can promise you that you wont ever regret the choice of forgiveness over harboring the hurt and pain. I'm praying for your, friends! I pray you choose to walkn in freedom!

Freedom

Hey there blogger friends! I have a question for you...what does freedom in Christ look like/mean to you? I was chatting with some dear ladies last night and this subject came up. Each of us had something to add to the meaning, but in the end it all boiled down to the same two things. 1-Being able to thank God for your past (no matter what it looks like). And 2-Forgiveness, forgiving your self for whatever you may have done and also forgiving those who hurt you (no matter how deep the hurt). Lets talk about the first one-being thankful for your past. Some of us may have been able to get this far with not a whole lot of bad happening, but I feel as though you could probably look back and pick at least one thing you wish never would have happened (abuse, divorce, bad choices, addictions...). When I look at my past, I see a lot of sadness, hurt, abuse, bad choices, and the list goes on...but I also see Gods protection (yes even though a LOT of bad happened), Gods AMAZING grace, lessons learned, and as my dear friend Cindy would say "faith muscle building" opportunity, and honestly a whole lot more. I know I wouldn't be who I am or where I am without my past. Does our past define us? No! Praise God! But, if we let it, it can actually help us be a better person in Christ and help others in similar situations. Being thankful for our past is not saying what we did or what was done to us was okay. Its simply being able to look at the crap and being able to see the good in it. For me, I can look back and thank God for:1-Being with me each step of the way (even when I didn't know Him). 2-Bringing me out of the muck and mire. 3-Molding me into who He has made me to be because of it. 4-Giving me a story I can use for His glory..I could go on! Do you see where I'm going with this?! No matter how bad it was friends, He can use it. One of my favorite verses is found in Romans chapter 8 verse 28 and it goes like this, "And we know that in ALL things God works for the GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Do you see that, it even says it in the Bible-that He will work it out for the GOOD! Is it easy to be thankful for the yuckyness of our past? No. But if we started looking at it in a differnt light...not about us but about what God did through it, I believe it makes it easier to be thankful. I have challenge for you! Take some time, look back to whatever it may be and look for God in it...then thank Him! Praise Him for who He is and the work He has and continues to do in you. For me, once I took ME and I out of it and looked for HIM in it, it was a game changer.I pray that as you look for the amazing ways God weaved His grace and love through your past, your eyes and heart would be opened to a whole new and amazing God we are so lucky to have as a friend and father. The wonderful work He has, is, and continues to do in you is beautiful! I'll come back in a few days and talk about forgivness and what that looks like!

Thankful

As I sit here and think about this past week I can't help but to be thankful. This past week was not the easiest for me as I have been struggling, but as my dear friend Cindy has said..."when life gives you lemons don't forget the sweet stuff!" Dear friends, can I share my "sweet stuff" with you?! First off, God has blessed me with some pretty amazing ladies, who I can be raw and real with and who lift me up in prayer. I am beyond thankful for each lady He has hand placed in my life, for their encouragement, prayers, and examples. There were MANY times this week that I had to sound my trumpet and asked for prayer, and they were there and ready! Which, leads me to my second thankful-GOD! I love that we serve a God who is all knowing, loving, forgiving, and...I could go on! I'm beyond thankful that I can cry out to Him at anytime, in any place, for anything. Isn't He just the best! I'm also thankful for the sun-yes, that big yellow thing in the sky! Its been a long winter here in the mitten (which means a lot of days with no sun) and its nice to finally see and feel it! Friends, how many days do we let go by without being thankful? How many blessings do we receive without thanking God for them? How many times do we let the distraction of a bad day (or week) keep us from seeing the "sweet stuff"? I'm gunna be honest here, I'm guilty.I'm guilty of not giving God the praise when He is so deserving. I'm guilty of letting the "lemoms" of life get the best of me at times. This weekend has been full of some good time on my knees crying out yo God, asking for forgiveness, and asking for help as I walk into this next week. I know that I can't do it on my own, thank God its in His strength that we can get through this whole "life" thing! I want to encourage and challenge all who are reading this to not let a day go by without being thankful. I don't care if its for your toothbrush, husband, job, or something God is doing in your life. I strongly believe that once you start thanking Him for things it will become easier to find more things to be thankful for..and it actually becomes fun as well! Oh, one last thankful-YOU! I may know you, I may not, but I'm still thankful for you. YOU are a child of God, a wonderful masterpiece, and are dearly loved by an awesome God. I pray as you read these words, you hear God whispering in your ear how amazing He thinks YOU are...no matter the struggle, the rough week you had, or how much you mess up. He loves YOU!

Be Still

It's a Friday night, I'm 26 years old, and I'm sitting in my apartment doing nothing...and LOVING it! I have learned to love being still (crazy I know)! If you know me, you know I'm very much a people person and love to stay busy. But I'm gunna be honest here, I've felt like God has been calling me to stillness. To listen. And to push my busyness aside. I have been trying my best to put this into action and God has blessed it! My devotion time has been sweeter, prayer time richer, and every day life easier. It may sound crazy, but this whole stillness thing works! I think as a whole we all tend to get busy...cought up in, well, everything. I can just picture God looking down on us and thinking, "Hello, child of mine, I'd love to spend some time with you...listen to you...and even talk to you." I honestly don't know how people get through life, even one day without sitting at the feet of Jesus. But what blows my mind even more, is how we think we can live an abundant purposeful life without being still before Him. We tend to make devotion time about reading a good Christian book, praying to God about our "wants" and "needs" and then calling it good and checking it off our to do list. Friends, this use to be me. I thought my walk was good and I loved life. Let's picture like this-if you and I had coffee together and all we talked about was our wish list,"needs", and then left...would we have a good relationship? No! When I sit down to have coffee with a friend I love to hear about what's on their hearts, what are they struggling with, and how I can pour into and be praying for them. God wants that to! He wants you to come to Him with everything and then He wants you to SIT and be STILL in His presence. I have felt more peace and joy since I started doing this, AND I have been seeing and hearing God...yep, that's right...HEARING! No, I'm not hearing an audible manly voice, but He IS speaking to me! He has been using His word, His people, books I'm reading, and even situations I've been in. It's been amazing to experience! He has even gone as far as putting a new calling on my heart and has been opening doors (we shall see what He is up to in time)! I strongly encourage and challenge each of you who reads this, to be still and listen...you never know what God may be trying to show or tell you! My prayer for you is that you step away from the busyness and step into the amazing presence of our Sweet Abba. My hope is that you experience Him in a whole new way and that your relationship with Him deepens and becomes sweeter. Until next time blogger friends!

This life I live...

As I sit here on my couch with a hot cup of tea, I can't help but think of the little ones I will be meeting in July! See, I found out on Valentine's day that I was accepted to go on a missions trip to Mexico...and let me tell you, I CAN NOT WAIT! I have always dreamed of going out of the country to spread God's love to His little ones! Most people who will read this know my childhood was anything but pretty...so all I have wanted to do is make sure every child I come in contact with knows they are loved, accepted, and cherished. Oh how my heart is overflowing at just the thought of going to Mexico and sharing that with those little ones! I feel beyond blessed and honored that God would pick me to go and be His hands and feet-He is sooo good! As I get older the more I realize this life I live is sooo not mine or even about me. I mean, I feel as though I've always had a servants heart, (something God has put in me) but I feel like it has become more real in the last couple of years. This life we live is meant to love like He loved, serve like He served, and strive to be more like Him in everything we do. Do we fail? Yes! Are we perfect like Christ? No! But our job is to try! Our job is to do all that we can with all that we have to live for Him..glorifying, serving, and loving Him. As we do that He works in and through us for His mighty purpose. I don't know about you, but I want to die trying! When I get to heaven, I want to hear "well done"! What about you..what are you doing that's furthering the kingdom? What are you doing that's not self seeking? How are you serving God and His people? It doesn't have to be this big, selling all your possessions so you can move to Africa thing...it can be teaching your kids the difference between right and wrong and to live for Christ. It can be loving someone who is hard to love. I think we tend to get caught up in the "BIG" ways we can make a difference but really, life is more about the "little" things. I hope and pray as you read this God shows you how you can make a difference for Him...or maybe as you read this He is affirming what you are already doing. Whatever the case may be, know that you are loved by a mighty God who loves sharing life with you! Thank you for what you have done, are doing, and what you will do to serve God and further the kingdom-remember, no matter how big or small, it all makes a difference! Plus, God looks down on you and smiles as He see's His beloved child living for Him!

Lately!

Okay, so its been awhile since I've posted, for that I'm sorry! Life has been great lately! The holidays have come and gone...the new year has begun...and can I just say, I'm REALLY excited for what God has in store for 2015! I have felt this deep hunger for the word that I have never had. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed reading the Bible, but I think it was more hard to understand/felt like a chore then it was enjoyable for the most part...but lately I can't get enough! I look forward to getting off work so I can come home and dig into the word! The studies that God has me apart of are all about reckless faith and taking your faith from the pew to the pavement...think God may be telling me something?! I feel like He is preparing me for something, what I don't know..but I'm excited! The convictions He has placed in my heart are real and deep, the desire for more of Him is passionate and rich, and the growth has been stretching and grand! I'm loving this season and am looking forward to what He has to teach me! Apart from the 3 small groups I'm apart of, (ya I know, I'm addicted) life has been normal. I'm still absolutely loving my job and the position I'm in. Church life is awesome! And my social life is great! Oh, speaking of...I totally had a "first" last night. I went to a symphony...and LOVED it! My dear friend Yvonne took me and it was amazing! This Alaskan girl is getting some culture! Lol Other then that, nothing to big has been going on. So there ya go, there's my big updated! I hope this finds all who read it doing well. May you feel the amazing presence of God guiding you with each step you take. I pray you feel Him drawing you closer to Him and teaching you new things.